Thursday, September 18, 2008

Our 1st Family Portrait

My daughters turn 4 months tomorrow. I'm not sure if I'm still hormonal but it does make me a little teary eyed when I see how much they have grown. I remember how devastating it was to see them in the Neonatal ICU. How much I cried when I had to leave them in the hospital after I was discharged. I'm sure I will recount this story many many times but it's been 4 months already & it seems like it was yesterday.

I wonder if they will ever understand how much they were wanted and how much they are loved. Will they ever know how I tire myself day after day trying to do what is only the very best for them? Every decision I make in my life I think about how it will impact them. I analyze over & over again and wonder if I'm doing the right thing. Deciding their care while I go to work has caused me such incredible anxiety because there is nothing more I would want then to stay home with them myself. But unfortunately I have to sacrifice my precious time with them so that I can provide for them. UUUGGHH...I know I'm not alone here. I realize that I'm not the first or last mom that with a heavy heart leaves their child behind entrusting them with someone else & praying that she's made the right decision for her child. Alas we'll never know. Not now anyways. I know that every decision I make for them will determine the adults they will become. I only have one chance at this...and terrifies me that I might screw it up.

I've always been pretty confident in my decisions. I know what I've wanted out of my career, my relationship, my home, BUT this is a whole new territory of uncertainty for me. If there is one thing that I've promised myself is that I will tell my little girls every day how much I do love them. Even if I make mistakes along the way my love for them is beyond what words can describe.

My babies were 6 weeks old in this picture.

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Thursday, September 4, 2008

Our blessed day...

I'm late with my post this week but for good reason. I wanted to blog about my daughters' baptism which occurred on Sunday August 30th. It was such an incredible day for us not only because our girls were officially joining our church but also because we were surrounded by the people we love & who love us most!

The girls did really well at church after what proved to be a very stressful day for this penguin mom (sigh). It's so hard to balance out the needs of your children with the obligations of our lives. I was so incredibly distressed about the girls being too wound up & hoping they wouldn't be too tired from the day's events that would prompt a "meltdown". In the end they proved to me again how reslient these little girls are. They totally made me look great..."what well behaved babies you have" were the resounding comments of the day. Although it had nothing to do with me!! It was a beautiful ceremony with lots of special moments so I thought I'd share a few.

We have a special relationship with the priest who baptized the girls. You see, he confirmed Jorge before we got married and he also married us on this special weekend 3 years ago. It was a very memorable event for Jorge & I because on a weekend just like this we started our family together. Little did we know how quickly it would grow in just a few short years. I have to admit that my eyes got very watery during the mass as I sat there thinking back to that special day we got married in this very church. The day was very similar warm & sunny. I was just as stressed out as I was that day only there was no party afterwards that I could dance the night away. And our close friends & family were with us. The best man & maid of honor were by our side once again, only this time they were my babies' god parents. We have so much to be grateful for. We have been incredibly blessed & this day reminded me of how great God is. A reflection back over my life makes me realize that all things happen the way it should. I thank God every day for the family he's blessed me with.


Happy Anniversary Jorge! I love your more each day for the wonderful friend, husband and father you are. My only prayer today is that we have many many more years together.

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