Pardon the interruption....

It's pretty incredible that this will be the first post for 2012!! YIKES..if I could insert a shocked smiley face I would. But seriously every time I sit down in front of a computer I hear "MOMMY" sometimes in stereo and sometimes in surround sound (especially since Camila started saying mami). So I've decided not to sit at a computer to blog anymore. Apparently if the peanuts can see me trying to do something they immediately need SOMETHING-like juice because they're literally dying of thirst- or need to TELL me something imporant- like Teeka and Pooka (they are the imaginary people who play with the twins) are not listening- or just feel the need to say "MOMMY!!" because it sounds nice. NOT. I decided to become a mobile-blogger! And finally Blogger decided to get-an-app-for-that. Thanks guys better late than never ;O) So here you go now I can blog from my phone or tablet or iPad. I have no excuses now right?! Well that's probably not true but bare (or is it bear?) with me while I just blog on the run. There's lots of things brewing for me lately so free time is such a rare commodity these days!! Ok so what have my peanuts been up to since the start of 2012???...Well I did say BIG things would be happening this year and I haven't been wrong so far.
 

We had a great start to 2012 and rung in the year with some fun friends and the kiddos celebrated their very first New Year's Eve actually AWAKE. I should also add I was awake too. J & I usually pass out around 11ish. I'm hoping ringing in 2013 will be much of the same.

And then of course we're always busy with school projects or events or something I've committed to doing because I'm a class parent and feel the need to overdo all of their school events. But SECRETLY I jump at every opportuntiy that I can to do some kind of crafting since I really have no time to seriously pursue "hobbies." So here was our Valentine's Day crafts with the girls :)

 

Winter finally ended and spring arrived. Which means...

-Nice days
-Flowers
-Itchy Sneezing and Watery Eyes

But aside from all of the above, to me it always means New Life....Precious Precious Life! All of my girls were born in the Spring. Therefore for me it will forever remind me of bringing little lives into the world. It will remind me to be thankful for my little peanuts because each one of them is a blessing and nothing short of a miracle. They were the answer to many many months of praying to be a mom and to have the privilege of holding a baby of my very own in my arms.

Camila turned 1...wow I still can't believe it and we did it up pretty BIG (again another opportunity for some crafting). Why? Because first birthdays are just that a FIRST so it's huge! I also like to celebrate the fact that I survived the very first year of my little one's life. That first year is such a doozy & a blurr that you're lucky to get out alive with all of your senses in tact. Well maybe not ALL of your sense..your memory definitely starts tanking & your hearing definitely takes a nose dive. Between not hearting things I should and hearing things I shouldn't, there are days when I totally feel like I am certifiably nuts. I walk around paranoid looking to see if men in white suits will come and take me away in some unmarked vehicle.

It's been interesting how the twins have adjusted to a new baby in the house. I worried, of course. Would they welcome their little sister into their twin-circle-of trust? Would they acknowledge her or ignore her?  The twins have always had each other and there's no denying the special bond they have with each other sometimes to a fault. So I wondered if they would know how to bond with someone else like they do each other?

When Camila was born I could tell the twins were in a bit of shock. Cati, being the curious and adventurous greeted the baby head on. She stared and tried to touch her and asked her expected questions and she was good. Valentina being a little more reserved and observant from afar decided she wasn't ready for an up close and personal meeting yet. By the time we got home the twins understood that THIS was the baby inside my belly that resembled a beach ball for what seemed like months & months on end. They also realized that the baby was moving in...there was some protest over how much space she takes up.

A year later, they have fully adjusted to their role as big sisters. From the beginning they try to help in many ways and they are very protective of her and are quick to alert me each time that "CAMILA IS CRYING AGAIN!!!" or "CAMILA IS STUCK IN THE CHAIR!!" or "CAMILA IS CLIMBING THE TABLE AGAIN!!!" That now translates to hearing "MOMMMMMMY!' a few thousand times more a day because they need to report everything that Camila is doing or they're trying to talk to me while Camila is having a breakdown. And now that Camila is fully mobile we have entered a new phase, one that is nothing short of massive chaos.  Mornings have been especially interesting with 2 adults trying to manage 2 kids getting ready for school, a baby that needs to be fed, and 2 dogs that need to get walked and fed too! I'm not gonna lie the dogs usually get the short end of the stick...walks turn into 10 minute sprints. I know, the guilt is suffocating. The evenings are not much different.

I worried about Camila's big birthday party...the whole jealousy thing about her having her own party and the twins having to share a birthday. I was incredibly surprise how excited they were about Camila's party. They helped out with all the preparing and the goody bags was ALL them! They wanted to be in charge of that because that's pretty much the highlight of any party in case you didn't know. They did great & the party was fantastic! Camila held up the whole time without interruption like a rock star!!












Next on the list was another party...my twinkies turned 4!!! :insert shock smiley face: I feel like the wind gets knocked out of me when I see how much they've grown. They're 4 now and for all us it's been a big deal.








They know that 4 means they're not babies anymore and it also means they've advanced to PreK 4. My time with them has certainly changed. We actually do things together rather me just doing things for them. We "talk" to each other and have conversations (or insane irrational conversations but whatever) rather than just talking at them. We talk talk talk about everything and anything and it doesn't end until they close their eyes for bed.  I'm not kidding. Shopping with them has changed too. Gone are the days where I stick 'em in the shopping cart and throw snacks at them as I whiz through a store before a major meltdown happens with somebody. They actually have opinions about what shoes they want and what types of gifts we should get for other people and picking out fruits and veggies at the supermarket. EVERYTHING is now a collaborative process & detailed discussion of opininons on all choices. I have to admit all this jabber can be EXHAUSTING and can very well drive you crazy but then I remind myself to enjoy this right now because there will come a time when they won't want to talk to me anymore or go shopping with me because it's not cool or ask me a gazillion different questions on everything and anything because they will believe they know it all. I know one day mommy will always be wrong about EVERYTHING but right now mommy has all the answers & that makes me happy :)



So YES being the peanuts mom can make me well NUTTY...and yet still I can't imagine my life without the 3 of them....the extra child in the pic is not mine :) LOL.

The Drunken Years

....if I were writing a book about the girls and motherhood this would be the title of the current chapter in our lives.

Why? Well because for one, this is what it's like to parent 3 year old twins right now. I constantly feel like the AA sponsor of 2 drunks trying to rationalize, negotiate, and appease them every waking hour of their little lives. Secondly, the emotional roller coaster of three-year- old-twins can certainly lead to several drinks a day. Only alcohol could numb your mind enough to deal. Thankfully the latter doesn't happen too often because of school (thank you Lord), grandma (thanks again dear Lord), and daddy does eventually come home (Good Lord I am really blessed).

What really compelled me to post this today was reading this article and watching this video. Warning: If you have no children watch at your own risk. You may never want children after this.

http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2011/12/05/143062378/whats-behind-a-temper-tantrum-scientists-deconstruct-the-screams

The screams and yells resembled the same sounds that occur in my house times two! But what really got me was the reason that caused the tantrum of Noemi and David Doudna's daughter...and I quote,

"Their daughter Katrina once had a meltdown at dinnertime because she wanted to sit at one corner of the dining table. Problem was, the table didn't have any corners – it was round. When David Doudna asked Katrina where she wanted to sit, the tantrum only intensified. "

In my opinion the article should have been named, "What's Behind The Drunken State of Your Toddler." I'm not sure if it's scientific enough but it certainly captures the sometimes mind-boggling-reasons why your child gets upset.

This is a picture of their school's Halloween parade of 2010...notice they are not wearing the black pants of their costume. Why? Nobody knows, but the teacher told me that they explained to her that bumble bees don't wear black pants. Ummm ok. Again you can't rationalize with a drunk you just say okay and move on. So long as they agreed to walk in the Halloween parade the teacher couldn't spend too much time discussing the black legs of a bumble bee. And I agree.

In my experience this has been the difficult part of having twins, the tantrums. While at our local pool one day, Catalina decided she wasn't going to follow directions of her swim teacher. So I kept reminding her, very patiently I might add, that if she didn't listen we would NOT stay at the pool after class. After several reminders Cati had blatantly refused to do anything the poor young teacher asked. So as a result I had to stick to my threat and follow through. I braced myself for what lie ahead. Don't ask me who's more strong willed of my twins because I'll say the one that's giving me the hard time in the moment and that could change any day, any hour, any minute. Anyhow once she figured out we weren't staying the tantrum ensued she screamed, she cried, she smart mouthed me but I ignored it all because in the end a battle of words would get us nowhere. I can't say it was easy to hold it together. And I guess the look on my face was one of angst and worry. Worry that I would cave because I couldn't stand the embarrassment and the dread that all eyes were on me. And I wanted to explain this this tazmanian devil was really my child I was trying to drag out of the pool.

Suddenly I heard a voice from what seemed like a crowd of hundreds of other judging moms. The voice, because I couldn't possibly stop and look up to see who it was, said "Way to stick to your guns mom. You have to follow through otherwise it will only get worse." In that moment I felt a surge of strength and reassurance that came from the voice and I was suddenly confident that I had to be doing the right thing. And any fear I had that one day Cati would be telling this story opposite a therapist, completely dissipated. To the unknown mom who encouraged my disciplining that day....A heart felt Thank You. I really needed that.

The way I see it at two they're frustrated because they can't express what they want and you're frustrated because you wish you spoke babble. But at three the frustration is exponentially higher because they can talk fairly well now and they can say please and they can "use their words" and yet they still can't get what they want. When this happens the reaction is along the lines of...WHAT! Are you serious Mom?? In my case I guess this would be to the second power. And as a result sometimes I need TWO beers after a long day with the twins. If you throw in the infant in the middle of this madness and now I need a nice little alcoholic concoction that will knock me to bed in one gulp, like a Kamikaze Shot.

Since they've turned three I've had to up my negotiation tactics. They're smarter now. Now it's about creating the delicate balance of providing options that allow them to feel empowered and me to feel like I'm still in charge here. This is no easy task. So if you're out there thinking I can't possibly do this. I'm here to tell you that you're not alone. There are many days when I don't think I can do it either. You're not a failure you're just part of the masses.

Sometimes I think that because I have twins I'm much more willing to give in and just comply. After a day of heavy deliberations I am worn out. I can't hear myself think anymore never mind thinking straight so I just give in. Inside I'm pleading for mercy and screaming "UNCLE enough already!" When is Ashton Kutcher going to jump out of a car and say this is all a big joke on you! You just got PUNK'D!!

Every day it's about strategy, how do we get through whatever activity without an emotional breakdown. At this age they're thoughtful, albeit in a irrational sort of way, so I need to be careful not give some half-assed reason for why I need them to eat their meal, put their shoes on, or go to bed. If you think you can get away with some thoughtless response, then think again my friends. Get ready for a rebuttal. You do not want to get into direct, cross-examination, re-direct, re-cross, etc. That is what you want to avoid at all cost. That will eventually end with ...meltdown. You want to address the question and calmly agree to a settlement. Done.

For example:

Twin A: Mommy I want to wear my pretty brown sparkly shoes to school.

Me: You need to wear your big sneakers today because today is gym day at school and if you wear your brown sparkly shoes they might fall off your feet while you're playing races at gym today. And you can't stop to pick up your shoes while you're racing otherwise you'll lose the race.

Twin A: Oh okay mommy. Let's put on my big sneakers.

And this is the kind of quick-thinking I have to come up with early in the morning without even having my first cup of coffee.

Things to note in this example. First of you never say "no." I try to avoid this word like my tongue will spontaneously combust if I say it. "No" usually leads to automatic rebuttal it doesn't matter what you say after that word. There will almost always be a rebuttal and so begins the negotiation. I try to always begin with words like "I want, I need, You must, You need to, Please do, or Would you like"

I'm not sure if my kids get away with way too much or if I'm way to hard them. I probably won't know until much later in life, and will probably be too late to do much about it at that point. One comforting thought that lets me sleep at night is that I'm trying. In my heart my intention is not to scar my children for life or allow them to become degenerate burdens on society. I am doing the best that I can. I hope that one day they can look back at their childhood and see that we tried very hard to be good, positive, and fair parents. I hope they can look back and see that our intention was not to rob them of the pleasures of life but to protect them of the dangers that lurks in the world today. I hope that they can appreciate what we wanted to teach them about life and how to deal with the the success, the struggles, and the sometimes painful experiences that their life might bring them. I hope that one day when I'm long gone they can say with gratitude that we prepared them for their future.

And this is why it's so hard to deal with the little drunks. Because I want so much for them to understand why I make the choices I make and why I can't just let them roam the planet like little savages. I know that one day I won't be there for them to make that crucial decision and so I pray with all of my being that I have given them the tools necessary to do the right thing. And I hope that my little drunks grow up to be sober adults :)

Potty Training Twins...the nightmare

So maybe it wasn't a total nightmare maybe it was like someone gauging your eyes out but we had to go through 2 attempts before we got it right. Back in July I decided that this would be a good time for me to work with the girls and get them potty trained. They were talking now and much more independent and of course I had some vacation time coming up so I can fit this into my schedule. I also wanted them trained before we went for a week down to the Jersey shore.

Lesson #1

As a parent, we sometimes need to take the lead of our children. We can't control everything in their lives. There are times when they will be the ones to decide on certain things.

So this was my first mistake! But everything is a learning experience and I'm sure I'm bound to screw up more times than just this. And I probably won't win Mother Of The Year but that's life and we can't always get it right as much as we have their very best interest at heart.

Lesson #2

You are not alone! This is a critical lesson to my over-achieving-mommies out there. You know them, we're the ones that don't ask or want anyone's help. We whole-heartedly believe that there isn't anything we can't do, even with twins.

That's me! Since the day they were born I believe I could do ANYTHING with my twins on my own. I refuse to admit that having multiples is in any way limiting to the things I can do. But twins are hard work!!! It's exhausting and tiring and sometimes near impossible!! This is one of those things. There was no way I could possible pay close close attention to each child AND clean up the 500 accidents that happened over 4 days.

Here's some of my original post after the first attempt.

Good God in heaven what in the world have I done! What was I friggin thinking?? 3-day potty training, puh huh cheah right!! I hope they read this one day & realize they SO owe me! Everyone knows I'm a borderline germa-phobe and God only knows that was magnified by the nurses in the NICU. After 19 accidents & counting, OH my germs everywhere....I've been cleaning up so much urine all over my floor at the risk of getting some kind of bacterial disease. I swear if I ever hear one complaint to clean up their room they will be forced to read this over & over again. I've got urine all over the bottom cuff of my pj's and the thought of urine smacking me in the ankle every time I run into the bathroom to catch an accident is making me nauseous. I'll have to scrub my feet with a pumice stone or better yet maybe I'll need to soak myself in alcohol for a few hours.

And where the hell is their father?!!?? I guess part of me was wishing he would wake up this morning & say "I'm going to take the day off & help you potty train the girls." In my dreams. I'm sure he doesn't even know how I'm going about this. For all he knows I could have inserted a catheter into each of our daughters and make you pee on command. What else is new.

The plan is to let them have an accident in their bed because I don't know what I was thinking taking this on by myself and now I need the time to think this through, regroup, & most importantly bathe, a few 100 times. I have to find a better way. God, if you're listening a miracle of your caliber would be really good right about now. I have invoked a higher being & prayed a little cause I don't know if I'm going to make it. I can't be taking one child to the potty while the other one decides to pee on the floor at the same EXACT time. That's just not going to work.

I had hit rock bottom. I was tired and frustrated and disappointed. I was so sure this would work with my peanuts but, I was wrong. I made a mistake & should have never put them or myself through this. All I kept thinking was, gosh I SUCK at this parenting. How many more things will I F' up? I really hope I don't mess up on the important stuff. The worse part about it was that I felt all alone in my failure.

But we live and learn. Just like when we gave up the co-sleeping, gave up on the paci, or when we did away with the bottles and their sippy cups, this was going to be a process. As a parent I need to accept that some things will come quickly for my daughters and some things will take some time and I need to be patient and comforting and above all loving. All parents have high expectations and want our children to excel and be the best but it takes a good parent to realize when you have to give encouragement and guidance and when your child needs to just wait until they can get better at something.

A few months later we gave it another try. The girls were older they new about the potty and had learned how to pull up and off their pants. They had matured quite a bit in just a few months. This time we did the gradual process and I got LOTS of help, professional help! My job hosted a Potty Training Boot Camp! Alright! The parents got little seminar on the approach and agreed to abide by the Potty Training Oath, the kids got a whole ceremonious introduction to begin the week long program. So while I worked a few floors above the pro's helped my kids understand the difference between wet and dry and were the help I needed to keep things going at home each night. The weekend came and they hadn't been successful once but we had 3 more days to ourselves and finally they got it. YES THEY GOT IT!! Oh our joy to see our kids use the bathroom instead of the floor. I felt like a lottery winner folks that's right it was like a million dollars.

We were all happy about our success!

And then we danced!

And we even drank!

And we even fell over with joy!

Now it's not perfect they do have to be reminded but a couple of months later they now have learned the feeling of when you-gotta go and they tell us. We also have accepted that they WILL have accidents but that's the process of learning. Kinda like riding a bike they will fall and trip but we dust off & start again.

And that's how we potty trained our twins.