Our 1st Family Portrait

My daughters turn 4 months tomorrow. I'm not sure if I'm still hormonal but it does make me a little teary eyed when I see how much they have grown. I remember how devastating it was to see them in the Neonatal ICU. How much I cried when I had to leave them in the hospital after I was discharged. I'm sure I will recount this story many many times but it's been 4 months already & it seems like it was yesterday.

I wonder if they will ever understand how much they were wanted and how much they are loved. Will they ever know how I tire myself day after day trying to do what is only the very best for them? Every decision I make in my life I think about how it will impact them. I analyze over & over again and wonder if I'm doing the right thing. Deciding their care while I go to work has caused me such incredible anxiety because there is nothing more I would want then to stay home with them myself. But unfortunately I have to sacrifice my precious time with them so that I can provide for them. UUUGGHH...I know I'm not alone here. I realize that I'm not the first or last mom that with a heavy heart leaves their child behind entrusting them with someone else & praying that she's made the right decision for her child. Alas we'll never know. Not now anyways. I know that every decision I make for them will determine the adults they will become. I only have one chance at this...and terrifies me that I might screw it up.

I've always been pretty confident in my decisions. I know what I've wanted out of my career, my relationship, my home, BUT this is a whole new territory of uncertainty for me. If there is one thing that I've promised myself is that I will tell my little girls every day how much I do love them. Even if I make mistakes along the way my love for them is beyond what words can describe.

My babies were 6 weeks old in this picture.

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Our blessed day...

I'm late with my post this week but for good reason. I wanted to blog about my daughters' baptism which occurred on Sunday August 30th. It was such an incredible day for us not only because our girls were officially joining our church but also because we were surrounded by the people we love & who love us most!

The girls did really well at church after what proved to be a very stressful day for this penguin mom (sigh). It's so hard to balance out the needs of your children with the obligations of our lives. I was so incredibly distressed about the girls being too wound up & hoping they wouldn't be too tired from the day's events that would prompt a "meltdown". In the end they proved to me again how reslient these little girls are. They totally made me look great..."what well behaved babies you have" were the resounding comments of the day. Although it had nothing to do with me!! It was a beautiful ceremony with lots of special moments so I thought I'd share a few.

We have a special relationship with the priest who baptized the girls. You see, he confirmed Jorge before we got married and he also married us on this special weekend 3 years ago. It was a very memorable event for Jorge & I because on a weekend just like this we started our family together. Little did we know how quickly it would grow in just a few short years. I have to admit that my eyes got very watery during the mass as I sat there thinking back to that special day we got married in this very church. The day was very similar warm & sunny. I was just as stressed out as I was that day only there was no party afterwards that I could dance the night away. And our close friends & family were with us. The best man & maid of honor were by our side once again, only this time they were my babies' god parents. We have so much to be grateful for. We have been incredibly blessed & this day reminded me of how great God is. A reflection back over my life makes me realize that all things happen the way it should. I thank God every day for the family he's blessed me with.




Happy Anniversary Jorge! I love your more each day for the wonderful friend, husband and father you are. My only prayer today is that we have many many more years together.

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3 months down...

This was a big week for us...the girls officially turned three months old on Tuesday August 19th. YAY..I am one month closer to the 1 year mark. Apparently, you get an olympic sized gold medal if you can survive twins for a whole year :)

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

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Growing..and growing...and growing..

The peanuts are two months old now and I feel like each week there's something new I learn about them. Most recently they follow me with their eyes. They can see daddy approaching them & when I do make funny faces at them...they actually SMILE!! And, yes, I'm pretty sure it's not gas smiles :) They like it when I play with their little feet & give them kisses. They are also "cooing" although I wouldn't describe it as a "coo" sound but more of these girgling noise with some high pitch yells thrown in. AAAAHHHH....I remember so clearly when they could barely open their eyes.

My goal for this first year of their life is to blog at least once a week. For all of you veteran moms, you know this is an aggressive goal. But since I'm not keeping any other permanent record (baby book, scrap book, photo montage, etc.) of my first kids, I really need to do this. Otherwise they will grow up so fast & by then my memory will be complete SHOT...when did Cati take her first step?? when did Val say mama??...was it Cati or Val who flushed X down the toilet??...my incredibly shrinking brain!

Twice the love Twice the fun!

On May 19th 2008 a day that will be forever marked in my memory as the most incredible day of my life my TWO beautiful daughters were born! I've never experienced any kind of emotion like this that it really should have it's own word all together. "Giving Birth" yes that's the emotion & it encompasses love, excitement, nerves, laughter, fear, hope, worry all rolled into one. Nevertheless my darling daughters were born happy & healthy (for the most part). They spent an additional 10 days in the NICU (Neo Natal Intensive Care Unit) for some issues to be resolved before they were discharged. These days were the hardest of my life...motherhood set in.

Catalina Evangelista Martinez
Born at 8:00PM weighed 5lbs 2oz 17 3/4 inches long

Valentina Maria Martinez
Born at 8:02PM weighed 4lbs 10oz 18 inches long

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

When You Wish Upon A Star...

Everything my heart desired, I recieved. On one brisk morning of October I woke up pregnant!

I didn't know it would happen this way but it did. It was my birthday weekend. And the festivities began well before October 11th! There was a lot going on for me at the time. My husband and I were buying a new house & I had just been offered a great job in New Jersey. I had lots of reasons to celebrate this birthday year. Although in the depths of my heart..there was still a slight ache. An aching for a child that would make our young family complete. I put it in God's hands & let Jesus take the wheel on this one. I had decided some time ago to be happy & grateful for all of the wonderful things we did have & the blessings that we were lucky enough to receive.

My husband took me out to a special birthday dinner & Broadway show & I spent a night out with some friends celebrating!! One of my childhood favorite movies was Mary Poppins so my husband surprised me with tickets to see this show live! I knew all the songs & characters and it was like I was 8 years old again :) That evening somewhere in our conversation he mentioned, "so when is Aunt Flo due?" And it got me to thinking and I started counting back & recounting & thought..."could it be?" Could I really be late?? With all the festivities & packing I hadn't gone back to track my trusty fertility chart!! At this point I was just figuring we'd hit our 12 month mark & I'd eventually go in for some tests & then whatever came next.

That Friday night I had some hope but a part of me didn't want to feel disappointed again. The next morning I decided I would "pee on a stick" that's translation for a home pregnancy test. But I didn't tell my husband because I didn't want to get his hopes up either.

On Saturday morning October 13th at around 6:30AM I woke up & went to the bathroom & rummaged through my medicine cabinet for that one last home pregnancy test that I never used. Where was it??!! Where was it??!! UUGHH the frustration was killing me and so was the desire to relieve my full bladder. AHA I found it. I took very careful steps to do it right and not make a mess. Trust me when I tell you that peeing on a stick is quite an art form when you've done it as many times as I had in the last year. And then I let it lay there and looked away for a bit. I couldn't look at it. I just couldn't!! All the scenarios run through your mind & you begin to wonder why this form of self torture?? And then with all the courage I had in me, I looked...and I saw what must have been the BIGGEST BRIGHTEST MOST PERFECT + sign I had ever seen in my life. It was shock & awe right there in my bathroom.

After I stopped shaking & got the feeling back in my legs I ran & jumped on my bed to awaken my poor sleepy husband. LOOK! LOOK! WE DID IT! WE DID IT! And then I cried with every ounce of energy inside of me. I couldn't even get words out at that moment. We held each other for a long time.

Latina Penguin Runner becomes a Mom

How does the infamous Latina Penguin Runner become a Latina Penguin M-O-M...I'm not quite sure either but if you follow me along this journey you & I will find out the answer to this & much more together.

My last blog entry ended with the day after my biggest goal ever, running the NYC Marathon. Much like a marathon the journey to motherhood requires training...at least as much training as you can get in these short 9 months. As I navigate the world of pregnancy and an all new world of medical technology, I find my emotions ranging from excitement of the unknown to the fear of the unknown...motherhood. How DOES one prepare for motherhood?

I looked back& read my very first post on my blog back in May 2006 (WOW how time flies!) and I see that I was just as nervous & excited as I am today about different things of course but nevertheless it was a road untraveled by me. I was but a wee penguin those days waddling through 4 miles then 6 miles. I remember taking baby steps to ensure that I would reach my goal week after week, month after month, until the big day arrived. It was my greatest accomplishment yet to complete the whole 26.1 miles around New York City!

I feel like a wee penguin now, just kicked out of Mama Penguin's nest and out in the world to form a family of my own. Will I know what to do? Will I know what to say? Will I know how to be a good Latina Penguin Mom? I don't have the answers just yet but I hope I get them soon and in just a few short months I hope to reach my GREATEST accomplishment yet...becoming a MOM :)